Learning To Share
by Please.Insert.Name
Summary: To Aaron, meeting Spencer's NA Sponsor doesn't seem too bad. To Spencer, it's terrifying. Fifth in 'Learning To' series, set after 'Learning To Trust'. Established relationship.


_'Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.'_  
><em>~Arnold Schwarzenegger<em>

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><p>This was important to Aaron, and he really did want to do this. Spencer took a sip of his third cup that morning, watching the numbers on the digital clock change, telling him it was ten o'clock.<p>

He was late.

He guessed Aaron must have noticed his shaking hands, for he felt them being clasped gently together, trembling inside the more calloused palms of his lover.

And that was why he was doing this. Aaron was his lover, and someone with that much intimate access to him should know the sponsor he was spilling his guts to.

He had expected the elder man to be annoyed by this. Instead he had nodded grimly, knowing that there was one thing he couldn't offer the young genius.

Someone to relate to.

They had been seeing each other for almost a year now. Spencer had stopped using for two. However, he still got the urges, faint though they may be. Logically he knew they wouldn't go away, and he had spoken to John about it. The old cop knew exactly what he meant. He had seen enough officers go down in his time, enough criminals being set free to start up a not so healthy amphetamines habit.

One wife and kid later he realised he needed help.

Spencer was thankful he had never gotten to that stage. His addiction had led to Aaron, and whilst he knew it wasn't the most conventional way to find a partner, it was better than losing one because of it.

He had expected it to be awkward - he generally had an uncanny ability for making the most normal situation uncomfortable with his list of statistics and low knowledge of social cues - but Aaron had persevered, going through all the bad days and treasuring the good ones with him.

Now they were getting serious, and now Aaron really should meet his sponsor, since he would be a more frequent topic of discussion as he became more integral in Spencer's life.

It was only five past ten, but as the seconds ticked by, Spencer got more antsy, waiting for the sharp rap at the door that seemed to be inherent to those once members of law enforcement.

Aaron handed him half a croissant, raspberry jam oozing out the side, and Spencer accepted it gratefully, coming back to reality for a moment.

It was these sweet gestures that would surprise the team, and Spencer smiled slightly thinking about Morgan's face if he ever found out they ate breakfast together on most days.

He was on his last bite when the sharp raps resounded in the living room/kitchen. Aaron stood up, seeing he was too nervous to move, and padded across the room, trying not to trip up over Spencer's piles of books.

He supposed he should get a new bookcase at some point.

Looking at his shaking hands, he wondered why he was so nervous. He was sure about Aaron, he knew they were good together - way better than he had expected anyway! - and this wasn't such a big deal.

Except, really, it was. He had known John for two years, he had been with him since the beginning, and Aaron meeting him, it was like two lives converging. With John, there was the nervous, old narcotics abuser. With Aaron, there was a confident, happy FBI agent.

It was illogical, and yet it seemed perfectly logical at the same time.

He never wanted Aaron remembering him like that. Hell, he never liked remembering that. He had came far, and a strong part of him never wanted Aaron looking back and wondering why he was dating a man not strong enough to beat his own demons. A man who never deserved him.

Aaron came back in the living room, and Spencer popped the rest of the croissant in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully as John followed in behind him.

The once athletic man looked slightly wasted, his eyes containing the dark cobwebs that everyone who dealt with death on a daily basis eventually spun, the strands forming over time until all they could see was it. His salt-and-pepper hair was short and immaculate, a lot like Aaron's actually, and the deep lines of his face were emphasised by the warm smile he was now shooting his way.

"Hey, John," greeted Spencer, giving him his little wave.

John chuckled as he sat down on the worn leather armchair. "Never gonna get the hang of a handshake, are you kid?"

"You know by now I won't," replied Spencer easily, pouring John a cup of coffee unasked, and giving it to Aaron to hand to the former cop.

"So now, you must be Aaron?" John phrased it as a question, and Spencer tried not to smile. Of course John knew who Aaron was, it was only due to manners he was asking.

"Yes I am, I've heard a lot about you," replied Aaron, sitting protectively beside Spencer on the couch, but otherwise his stance remained neutral.

"I hope it was good," laughed John, taking a sip of his coffee, "Gotta hand it to you, you know your drinks, what one is this?"

"A vanilla coffee blend," replied Spencer, inhaling the strong aroma.

"Unlike us, Spencer drinks coffee for enjoyment, not necessity," smiled Aaron.

"Well it sure beats that machine crap I used to drink," said John, placing his mug on the cluttered coffee table.

The pleasantries were over, it was time to get down to business.

"Now, Aaron, Spencer has been telling me you're getting closer," John broached the subject delicately, and Spencer shot him a smile as thanks.

"Indeed we have," replied Aaron somewhat stiffly. Spencer knew he hated being asked about his personal life from people who were essentially strangers, and gave the elder's knee a reassuring squeeze. A gesture that John spotted in a second if his glittering eyes were anything to go by.

"As you are aware, Spencer shares quite a lot with me, I'm not sure if you know how this sponsor thing works or not…" John trailed off, looking between Spencer and Aaron.

"I am very much aware of how it works," supplied Aaron, his easy smile replaced with slight concern.

"Good. You don't mind us discussing you in our sessions, do you?"

"Of course not, if it is helpful, then I don't mind. My only concern, however, is if this is somehow brought to the attention of our co-workers, or someone who could potentially harm us," Spencer nodded with grim understanding. That was one of the reasons he had been hesitant to talk about his relationship in this first place, all John really knew was that they were both FBI agents, but now that things were progressing, Aaron would be featuring a lot more in their conversations.

"I understand, and I can assure you that will not happen. Spencer only divulges what he is comfortable with, and we are all sworn to secrecy, I know how it works," John's relaxed stance contrasted sharply with Aaron's tense posture, but thankfully Spencer felt him slightly loosen up at this.

"Aaron, you shouldn't worry, I just wanted you to be more at ease about it if you actually met John," added Spencer, giving his knee another squeeze.

"Forgive me, I'm just wary of any outside parties knowing about our affairs," Aaron said finally, his eyes still shining with concern.

"How about Spencer runs over with you what we will discuss, obviously you cannot be present at our meetings, but that might clear some anxiety," compromised John, running his fingers through his hair.

"That sounds good, again I apologise for being so wary over this-" started Aaron.

"No, I really do understand. I had a couple of colleagues be outed, and whilst they weren't dismissed, a lot of the guys weren't that understanding about it," John's eyes flashed with anger, and Spencer felt Aaron properly relax next to him.

Finally. This had taken less time that he had expected it would.

"Unfortunately many people's attitudes are hostile towards… men of our inclination," said Aaron hesitantly.

"Well I can assure you I'm not one of them," smiled John, before standing up, "Right, I need to go, but it was nice meeting you Aaron, I'm glad we got all this sorted out."

"It was a pleasure meeting you too," said Aaron, shaking his hand.

"I'll show you out," said Spencer, before John could say goodbye. Aaron looked a little surprised, but remained where he was.

It was times like this Spencer was glad he dated a profiler.

At the door, he gave John his little awkward wave, and the ex cop grinned at him.

"He seems good for you," said John awkwardly, and Spencer felt a faint blush form on his cheeks.

"He is," he replied simply, seeing John nod thoughtfully, before saying he really did have to leave… Something about his daughter needing him to baby-sit…

Closing the door, he went back to the living room, his long legs easily navigating the clutter, and finding himself back on the couch in no time.

"He seemed alright," said Aaron, wrapping an arm around his since they no longer had company. In Aaron's terms this was a pretty big compliment, and leaning into his half-embrace, Spencer exhaled heavily, releasing most of the tension he had built up before the meeting.

Although there was still one thing he needed to address.

"Do you still see me like that?" he asked finally, half dreading the answer, but knowing it was the only way he could let his mind rest.

"Like what?" asked Aaron, confusion lacing his tone as his right hand titled Spencer's chin so he was looking at him.

"Weak… Like a was when this started," Spencer tried to avoid the gaze Aaron was fixing him with, the older profiler no doubt noticing his refusal to say the word 'addict'.

Aaron took a moment to answer. "I never saw you as weak. You seemed so much stronger because you beat it. Your perseverance and willingness to even speak to someone like John… I know I certainly couldn't do it." His lover's eyes burned with an intensity rarely unleashed, and Spencer couldn't help but stare, mesmerised by the brown orbs.

Eventually he let out the breath he wasn't aware he had been holding.

"Thank you," he whispered, burrowing his head into Aaron's chest.

"Anytime."

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><p><em>AN: Harrypotter-PercyJackson requested a story with Aaron, Spencer, and his NA Sponsor. I hope this is satisfactory, it's been a while since I've written them in this universe! I know it's probably not what you expected, but my muse went a bit mental!_

_I know nothing about NA Sponsors, so if anything is completely wrong please tell me!_

_In 'Learning To' terms, this comes after 'Learning To Trust'.  
><em>

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, but I do own Hotch… WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S ESCAPED?_


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